The Grand Fall

There is something about me besides being human that puts me in a pretty large group of people; I am afraid of heights. 

I suppose a better way of clarifying that fear would be to say that I am afraid of falling. It's probably because for the entirety of my life I've been alone. Falling is much scarier when you know there isn't somebody who will help you stand, brush off and keep walking. I accepted this as circumstance though and moved on, being ever so cautious when it came to anything that could result in me falling. 

Over time I learned to manage it, my fear. I hiked to the top of a glacier in Alaska, I free climbed and rappelled cliffs in Colorado, I started doing these things I'd never done before because I'd been letting my fear control me. Though I did all of these astounding things, the fear was still there but instead of a restraint it had become a slingshot.

I fell so many times, but I also got back up each time, not quite the same as I was before the fall. 

Quite abruptly something shifted my entire universe and my world tilted on its axis. The very gravity I'd been ruled by, clung to, and counted on was gone.

I fell. I let myself fall, I pushed myself into this fall with every fiber of my being. The hardest fall I've ever fallen.

I realized the fall itself is exhilarating and freeing, it's the impact at the conclusion of it that could potentially be a problem. The ground was hastily approaching me, so I closed my eyes and prepared myself. 

Inhale. Exhale. Completely. 

I opened my eyes to find that I was still falling. The impact could come at anytime. I may just hit the ground running. Perhaps I'll never even reach the ground. Whatever the outcome of this grand fall may be, I've embraced it. 

I let myself continue to fall wholly and completely, enjoying every moment of this newfound freedom. 

I used to be afraid of heights, but now I know that heights only exist in my mind. 

The fall is the most profound part of living. 

The Balloon

A child somewhere, somehow let go of their beloved balloon. The child watched teary eyed as it floated further and further away, becoming no less beautiful, but rather more impossible to obtain again. They held up their hand as if to try and grasp it once more, but then waved silently as it continued its ascent.

I was that balloon, the child my beginning and the sky my life around me. I floated like what seemed aimless, but there was indeed a purpose as always there is. 

I was lost and untethered in such a way that sometimes I felt free and entirely exhilarated, but in another way restricted to my isolation, being the only one to see myself. All the while the fear of fact in the back of my mind; what goes up must come down so the laws of physics as well as life have proven to be true time and time again. Questions gather around me like the clouds in my sky - creating obstacles in my journey as doubt often does. 

Would my descent be a pleasant one? Then as doubt also often does it provided me with two choices for its progression; to prolong awaiting the unknown which is inevitable or to act as catalyst in quickening my descent. 

My decision was made. Down I came, not falling, but floating. A hand reached up for me and grasped the string that is my soul, pulling me in ever so gently. This hand was not the unpracticed hand of a child.

 This hand didn't let go, and soon ever so sincerely my soul became tethered to another beautiful soul. 

No longer am I isolated, but I myself have not changed much except that my connection to this world is now profoundly strong. I grow everyday and life no longer an empty sky lies before me abounding with possibilities that are the stars that fill my universe. 

Never before had I dared to let such a fierce and incandescent hope weigh me down, my load and my heart had been unable to afford such a weight. Now though I know that I can carry hope.

No longer inaccessible, no longer a weight, but rather a way of life. Hope is something that is overflowing the brim of my heart into another heart. So share it I do.